My So Called Life (Begins Again)


Listen it’s Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday, and I’m having a truly fun time. It’s a big deal because I haven’t been having that much fun lately. I haven’t been posting for fear of letting this forum become an open letter to my ex when it’s supposed to be all about me. Plus, as the cliche goes, breaking up is hard to do.


But, hey, things are looking up. The hurt is still there, but the light at the end of the tunnel has shined through and allowed me to find levity. And the funny is just so important! So, I’m back…not fully functional quite yet, but I’m coming back to life and to you, dear reader.

KingBedLately I’ve been living on friends’ sofas because I rented out my bedroom to my roommate’s family for the Thanksgiving fortnight. The realization that I wouldn’t be out of town with the ex or squirreled away with him in the middle of nowhere, as we’d planned for so long, was at first quite painful. Yet here in my adorable hotel room in DC, all alone in my king size bed with my exile nearly over, it seems hilarious.

So this isn’t me, but look how excited she is about the wax lips in her identical minibar!

It almost feels meant to be, what with my mini-bar stocked with Pez dispensers and wax lips and all. For the first time in what feels like a long time, I woke up delighted.

And then I checked my email and there he was, voice mail too. He’s been doing this every week or so, insisting he needs to see me, the ex. I’ve said it doesn’t feel right, it’s too soon. But his “need” continues and he demands to be heard. It was easy to see, on the one day when the bonds of family and close friendship bring people together, of course he’d be thinking of me…he’d be all alone. I’ve already told him I think he’s just lonely or perhaps feeling a little guilty and that this “need” isn’t really about me. I learned at least that from my time with him, it’s never about me.

I still don’t feel ready, and we may get into that more later, but I called him back just to hear what he might possibly have to say. He talked about how important I was to him and how intense our love had been and how unnatural it seemed to just cut off contact. I listened. I stood my ground. His overtures continued—he deserved to see me again. He was thinking about me all the time.

“You’ve been thinking about me that much?” I ask.

“Of course,” he says, “every day.”

“Even today?” I ask.

“That’s why I called,” he says.

“Why did you call?” I ask.

“I told you,” he says. “I need to see you.”

“Not because you remembered it’s my birthday?”


That was worth the whole production, having to listen to his self-absorbed yammering one more time. It was hysterical! It was priceless! Suspecting it would be the case had been my only motivation in returning his call at all. HA!


Obviously if any doubt remained as to my decision to move on, it had been dispelled. And I got to laugh knowing that I’m finally done crying. So that’s what’s up. I’m looking forward to sleeping in my own bed again next week. More importantly, I’m thrilled to be in my own skin again right now.


Hillery eventually learned not to say everything that came to mind. Some were too good not to write down.

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