OKCupid Member Tests

Clearly I am so NOT the Sex Pistols. Hello? Drug free, hygiene conscious, and paying my own rent over here. I may not be The Clash or The Ramones either, but give me The New York Dolls at least. Television if you’re feeling generous. The Buzzcocks, The Damned, The Dictators even.

On a side note, when did I start sounding like Yogi Bear?

The Big Lebowski Personality Test was so far afield I had to take it twice (and then delete it). BunnyThey had me pegged as Bunny Lebowski the first time and next her co-star in smut, Uli Kunkel (AKA “Karl Hungus”). First of all, no way. I’ve had my own bowling ball (specifically engineered for my personal southpaw grip, with my name engraved) since my 12th birthday. It came with powder blue professional shoes and a matching case and it’s sitting in my hall closet right this minute. So no way it goes down like that.

MaudeIn a film that’s only women are a vapid slut and a militant feminist, we absolutely have to take gender out of the equation. So we’re down to men, who bowl. Obviously I’m far too bothered by this test to be The Dude. I was made an honorary Jew by my rabbi so I feel Walter on that one, but I’m not that paranoid or violent. I rock the look like The Jesus and I often do that little dance when winning in sporting events, but so totally NOT a pederast (and there’s no way I’d make it through eight months in Chino).WalterandDude

That leaves Donny. The naive one who often loses the plot, but comes along for the ride anyway because whatever the story is he’s your friend.

It may not be a perfect fit…Donny bowled a strike every time (except right before he dropped dead) and no one tells me to shut the fuck up…BUT it’s a Hell of a lot closer than blonde bimbo or neo-nazi nihilist!


You might speculate that I’m spending far more time on this than is reasonable. While that may be true I posit the larger problem is that whomever wrote the test probably didn’t spend enough time on it. (Ooooh, dis!)

Whatever. I don’t know enough to trash talk the UN, so I like to sass off about the odd relatively unimportant incredulity. Sue me in the world court!


Hillery eventually learned not to say everything that came to mind. Some were too good not to write down.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *